Family Feeding

I love holiday picture books. I have memories from when I was a child of special holiday books being brought out of storage in December, along with the Christmas decorations. The books felt rare, special and full of excitement and magic. I could sit for hours flipping through these books that I hadn’t seen in a full year. Some had stories of families at holiday time, with images of snow, gingerbread houses, and candy canes throughout.  Others were books about different holidays and cultures and how people celebrate. I loved books about the food people traditionally cook for different holidays and if there was a recipe included, I’d be sure to try it out. 

One book I remember well, and has been reinforced by several big screen movies, is The Grinch That Stole Christmas. You may know the story: the Grinch is an unhappy being that systematically steals Christmas from the Whos of Whoville. He dresses up like Santa Claus and jumps down chimneys, stealing presents, decorations, even Christmas trees.

How Diet Culture Steals the Holidays

When I think about how diet culture has seeped into the holiday season, it feels just like the Grinch. Diet Culture is the Grinch that tries to steal the holiday joy. Diet culture, the belief that eating a certain way is morally superior to other ways of eating and the idea that certain body types are better than others, has found its way into all aspects of our culture. The holidays are no exception.  

The Grinch is: 

• Holiday recipe ingredient swaps to make it “healthier.”
• Comments about holiday season weight changes
• Saying you’ve been “bad” when you eat a traditional holiday food. 
• Comments about what others are eating/not eating at a gathering
• Worry about more desserts being around this time of year

Focus On What is Important

The holidays will be different this year, due to the pandemic. There will be smaller gatherings and many of us will feel grief from not celebrating in the ways we always do. This year, more than ever, I want focus on what is important to me this holiday season and keep diet culture out. 

So, over the next 6 weeks.  We’re going to be posting about how to not let diet culture steal the holidays. We will be posting 12 tips throughout the holiday season of how to stay grounded in feeding yourself and your children, and how to focus on little glimmers of joy. We will be using the hashtag #dietfreeholidays and invite you to follow along and use the hashtag in your posts, too!

One of my childhood Halloween memories is going to a church event when I was about 9 years old.  I was dressed up as the pop music singer Cyndi Lauper. My costume was complete with thick make-up, layers of costume jewelry and sprayed on orange hair color. 

The church fellowship hall was set up with stations of various Halloween games, where children could participate in each game for candy.  I remember enthusiastically participating in bobbing for apples! I dunked my face into the ice water and turned the tub of water bright orange!

This Halloween will be VERY different.  Due to the pandemic, Halloween celebrations will be smaller and closer to home. Some families are trick-or-treating inside their house room-to-room, while others are planning egg-hunt style candy gatherings in their yards. We are planning to make small goodie bags filled with candy and leaving them for trick-or-treaters in our driveway. No matter what your plans are for Halloween, I invite you to consider the language you use in your home about Halloween and candy. 

Food and Language

How we talk to and around children about food has a lasting impact.  Do we want our children to remember the fun and silly parts of Halloween events, or the fear-based diet culture messages about the candy and treats?  

We all know candy isn’t the most nutritious food item out there.  However, food and our relationship with food is complicated. It’s not black and white. As we raise children to have a positive relationship around all foods, the goal is not for them to eat the most nutritious food today.  We need to zoom out. The goal is for them to have exposure to different foods in neutral and positive ways and grow up with food being important, but not TOO important, in their lives.  Children learn best through modeling and experiences, not necessarily from what we tell them with our words.

Candy is an important part of Halloween and if we make it forbidden or evoke fear or shame around it, we complicate our children’s (and our own) relationship with food. The more an item is forbidden, typically children will seek out that food more. As children seek out the forbidden food item, they may feel feelings of shame: 

“If candy is bad, and I eat candy, am I bad?” 

Other children, may become fearful of the forbidden food, avoiding it all together with anxiety and confusion about why trusted adults make the “bad” food available to them:

“If candy is bad and will hurt me, why is my mom letting me get candy?”

Let’s eliminate the spooky language of Halloween. 

Instead of saying: 

• “Whoa, you need to keep that candy away from me.” ⁣⁣
• “Mommy can’t eat bad food like that.”⁣
• “Be careful, you’re going to have all of that bad food from Halloween.”
• “We’re going to be bad tonight, tomorrow we’ll eat healthfully.”
• “You better eat lots of healthy food tonight before we go out and get all that junk.” ⁣

Try instead: ⁣

• “Let’s sit down and eat supper before we head out for the fun.”
• “Look at your stash. Yum!”⁣
• “I loved seeing your excitement tonight! Your costume was amazing.”⁣
• “Reese’s are my favorite. Can I have one?”⁣
• “What it your favorite candy that you got tonight?”

Diet culture has snuck into almost all parts of parenting.  I will not let diet culture make Halloween scarier than it’s supposed to be and steal the fun. By not demonizing candy, we model for our children that it’s okay for it to be a part of their lives, and we support them in growing up to not have a conflicted relationship with food and their bodies.

Questions about how to handle Halloween? Check out Lauren McIlwaine‘s blog post from last year, Handling Halloween: A Step-by-Step Parent Guide