As a registered dietitian and mom, I believe eating dessert regularly is part of a healthy relationship with food. But I also know from working with parents that dessert can feel anything but simple to navigate. Diet culture complicates relationships with dessert, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
It’s natural that parents often feel stuck and uncertain when it comes to navigating sweets. We’re constantly flooded with messages about how sugar is “bad” and that we need to limit dessert or our kids won’t be healthy. So it makes total sense if you’re not sure what to do when your child asks for dessert.
How do you feel when your child asks for dessert? Do you find yourself worried, or unsure what to do or say? You’re not alone.
We get so many questions about how to offer dessert to children. And we want to help parents feel confident about offering desserts as well as raise kids who don’t feel conflicted, confused and ashamed about sweets. So keep reading for my realistic tips to take the stress out of dessert.
We’ve shared more on navigating sweets at Halloween and ideas for diet-free Easter baskets, because holidays are often some of the trickest times for parents when it comes to sweets.
The Problem With Diet Culture Messages About Dessert
- Kids are told they need to “earn” dessert by eating dinner or eating another food, like a fruit or vegetable first. If you’d like a deeper dive, you’ll find our blog post on what parents should know about offering dessert helpful.
- Teaching kids they have to “earn” dessert puts it on a pedestal and teaches kids to ignore their internal cues.
- Restricting dessert leads to scarcity thinking and increased interest in dessert.
- Labels like “good” vs. “bad” foods creates shame and confusion.
Our Tips for Offering Dessert Without Stress
You’re likely wondering, what’s the alternative? Please help me with what I can do to raise my child to have a healthy relationship with sweets?
Offer dessert with meals and snacks.
Research shows that offering dessert with a meal or snack neutralizes it. Kids get to choose in what order they eat their food. And offering dessert with dinner or other meals and snacks will help take the pressure off both you and your child.
Allow kids to decide what order they eat their food.
Many parents worry their children shouldn’t eat their dessert first because they’ll fill up and won’t eat any of their dinner ever again. Over time, the dessert will be less exciting and kids will know to expect it regularly.
Often, it’s those children who aren’t allowed to eat dessert who eat it first. Many kids will eat a little of their dessert and then eat some of the other food on their plate and then go back to the dessert.
Offer desserts family style sometimes.
And allow your children to have as much as they want. This can feel scary for parents.
If you notice you’re worried, ask yourself what it is you’re worried about? Are you worried they won’t be able to stop eating? Or that they’ll get a stomach ache?
When kids are allowed to decide how much dessert they eat, they learn to trust their hunger and fullness cues. They learn what they like and don’t like. And sweets aren’t placed on a pedestal.
Dessert doesn’t have to come after dinner.
Anytime works as a time to offer dessert. Dessert before dinner even works. For example, you might be out running errands and stop for ice cream on the way home just before dinner time and it’s easier to have it then than it is to pile in the car and go back out after dinner.
With a meal – with breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Yep! You read that right. Muffins, pastries, pop tarts and donuts for example, are similar to desserts. A muffin is essentially a cupcake without frosting.
And each of these foods contain flour, sugar, butter (or another type of fat) which we find in many baked goods. I know we don’t call those items dessert, but there’s no reason you can’t think of giving your child dessert with breakfast.
A good example might be if you have leftover peach pie, or leftover cake from a birthday and they ask for it with breakfast, there isn’t anything wrong with saying yes.
Enjoy dessert with your children.
Eating dessert with children is vital to them learning that sweets are morally neutral. If kids don’t ever see their parents enjoying dessert, that sends a confusing message.
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Common Questions Parents Ask About Dessert
Should I limit dessert for my child?
Restricting dessert creates a scarcity mindset and puts dessert on a pedestal increasing interest in sweets.
You can create structure without restricting sweets.
What if my child only eats dessert?
What if my child only eats dessert and not the rest of their meal or snack? That may happen sometimes, especially if sweets have been restricted or if they’re just not that hungry.
What about desserts for toddlers?
I offered my toddlers dessert. Offering toddlers sweets helps them learn to eat sweets and know that they aren’t a big deal. Any toddler sized dessert that’s not a choking hazard works well.
How often should kids eat dessert?
At the end of the day, that’s each family’s decision. I’m not suggesting kids be allowed to have dessert anytime they want.
As the parent, you get to decide when they have it. Bear in mind, if they’re not allowed to have it often, that will likely feel like restriction.
If you’re worried about giving them sweets more often, think of that as an opportunity to explore your resistance to offering daily dessert.
What if they ask for it constantly or sneak it?
If your child is asking for sweets constantly or you discover your child sneaking food, it may be a sign that your child feels restricted. And if you’ve only recently started offering desserts with meals and more regularly, it may take your child some time to trust they’ll continue to get sweets.
If it continues, it’s likely a sign they’re still feeling restricted and it’s an opportunity to get curious and look at your own relationship to sweets. Are you offering sweets, but saying things like, “don’t eat too much”, or when they ask for a dessert, saying, “no, you already had dessert today.”
In these cases it’s important to practice remaining neutral and not making comments. If you’re not offering dessert at least once a day, try offering it more often.
What if I don’t want to offer dessert again today?
If your child has had dessert a number of times today and you don’t want to offer it again that day, that’s completely reasonable.
Just a friendly reminder that you don’t have to say anything. So, no need to say, you’re not having dessert again, you already had it twice today. Many kids may not be interested in dessert in such a situation.
But if your child asks for dessert at a time you’re not offering it, you can decide to say yes, or you can decide to say, something along the lines of “we’ll have dessert again tomorrow, would you like a yogurt and granola or cheese and crackers?”
Family-Friendly Dessert Ideas
Muffins & Quick Breads
- Blueberry Muffins
- Pumpkin Bread, Zucchini Bread, Banana Bread
- Store bought muffins, mini-muffins, and quick breads
Cookies & Bars
- Oatmeal Cranberry Cookies
- Molasses Spice Cookies
- M&M Cookies
- Carmelitas
- Fig bars and granola bars
- Rice Krispie Treats (homemade or store bought)
- Teddy grahams and other store or bakery bought cookies
Fruit-Based Desserts
- Warm cooked apples with homemade granola or store-bought
- Berry cobbler
- Apple slices with caramel dip
- Strawberries & Nutella
Other Desserts
- Candy: I have always bought candy before candy centric holidays to give to my kids. For toddlers and preschoolers, be sure to omit any candy that may be a choking hazard.
- A regular cupcake or mini cupcakes
- Ice cream or popsicles
- The possibilities are endless!
Dessert Traditions & Family Memories
Dessert is about much more than the ingredients. It’s about connection, building and sharing traditions and rituals. Diet culture wants to take those away from us by demonizing desserts.
Think of all the wonderful traditions around food that create joy and a sense of belonging: baking and sharing birthday cakes, baking at the holidays, eating ice cream on hot summer nights, drinking hot chocolate after playing in the snow, and make s’mores on cool fall evenings over a fire pit. And we can’t forget the fun of sorting candy at Halloween or finding candy filled eggs at an Easter Egg hunt.
What are your favorite dessert traditions?
- Pumpkin Steamed Pudding
- Thanksgiving Pumpkin Pie
- Birthday cakes or cupcakes
Key Takeaways
- It’s important for your kids to see you enjoying dessert too.
- Offer dessert with meals and snacks and allow your child to decide in what order they eat their food.
- Restricting sweets or making kids “earn” them doesn’t help children eat less of them, it creates increased interest in them.
- If you’re feeling worried or having a hard time allowing dessert, it’s an opportunity to slow down, check in and ask yourself where the worry is coming from? What are you worried will happen if you allow your child to just eat dessert?
- Eating dessert regularly helps kids learn to trust themselves and their bodies.
- Eating dessert is fun and it tastes great.
Serving dessert with meals can help take dessert off the pedestal and help children trust their body’s cues. You may find that mealtimes are less stressful and you’re getting fewer requests for sweets because kids learn that desserts aren’t a big deal and they trust they’ll get them again soon.
Moving away from diet culture and towards a non-diet, intuitive eating approach to food can have a positive and lasting impact on your child’s relationship with food. As we like to say, the goal is to raise kids to be able to trust their bodies and navigate the foodscape as they go out into the world.
To goal is for our kids to grow up feeling calm, confident, and in charge of their relationship with food — including dessert. Offering sweets regularly, is one facet of supporting kids to feel confident around food.
If you’d like more information and support about raising kids with a healthy relationship with food, visit our Sunny Side Up Membership: Take the Frenzy Out of Feeding.
References
Practices and preferences: Exploring the relationships between food-related parenting practices and child food preferences for high fat and/or sugar foods, fruits, and vegetables. Appetite. Volume 113. 2017. Pages 134-140. ISSN 0195-6663. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2017.02.019
Loth, K.A. Associations Between Food Restriction and Pressure-to-Eat Parenting Practices and Dietary Intake in Children: a Selective Review of the Recent Literature. Curr Nutr Rep 5, 61–67 (2016). https://doi.org/10.1007/s13668-016-0154-x
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We’re Elizabeth & Anna!
It’s great to have you here. We’re registered dietitians and we share tips to support you in raising kids with a healthy relationship with food.
