Sunny Side Up Nutrition

A cooking, nutrition and family feeding blog to simplify your life

5 Tips to Nurture Body Confidence & Trust in Teens

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Teens are watching and learning from adults all the time.  While they are figuring out who they are and becoming more independent, they very much need the adults in their lives. They are watching and learning what it means to be an adult. They get messages from family members, healthcare providers, friends, and media that eating “perfectly” and shrinking their bodies is something adults “do” or need to strive for. They don’t need to get these messages from you.

Focus on Health Promoting Behaviors and Your Language

Research shows that “weight talk” in the home, dieting, and restrictive feeding are linked to mental and physical health concerns. And, we know that having family meals, having a positive self image, being active, eating regular meals and snacks, and listening to one’s body are linked to positive mental and physical health outcomes. We can be an anecdote to diet culture and support our teens in growing up to have confidence and trust themselves and their bodies.  

5 Tips to Support Your Teen in Trusting Their Body and Self:

1. Zoom out! 

Think about what your goals are in feeding your teenager. It’s natural to think in the short term when it comes to parenting. Did they eat their vegetables at this dinner? Did they get enough sleep last night? Did they make progress in school this grading period?  So often, we focus on the short term goals and lose track of the long term goals. Feeding oneself is a long process and your teen doesn’t need to be an expert right off the bat. We need to zoom out – what are the goals you have for your children, when it comes to food, when they are grown up and leave the home? We think about things like: 

  • Feel relaxed and flexible around food.
  • Know how to feed themselves in a way that is balanced, nourishing, and satisfying overall (self-care).
  • Have basic food preparation skills.
  • Eat well and listen to their body .
  • Have an appreciation for the wisdom and diversity of bodies.

We may be able to “get” a child to eat vegetables at dinner tonight, but are we supporting a child to grow up to be a young adult that eats vegetables?  Our child may eat past fullness or not eat “enough” at a certain eating time, but having real lived experiences is how they learn for the long term. 

2. Slowly take down the scaffolding.

Feeding is like any other skill– our children need age appropriate support to continue to learn and grow. We talk a lot about using Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in feeding to help create a structure for feeding in your home. As children get older, you may feel like they can handle all the jobs. You may pass the jobs of deciding when it’s time to eat and what is served on to our teenage child.  However, this is not usually best.  Just like any other skill, we want to support our child to have more independence with eating by slowly taking down the “scaffolding” or support.  A teen may make their own lunch, but you may look over it and suggest what needs to be added.  Keep planning and providing family meals, when possible. When your teen goes out with friends, ask them how they plan to feed themselves while away. 

3. Understand and teach children that bodies change. 

A human fact is that bodies change. Particularly, bodies change a lot during puberty and around menopause, but bodies change for all people during their journey through life. On average, children gain 10 pounds a year for 4 years during puberty. Weight gain in childhood is a sign of health and it’s important for kids to know this. We need to teach our children that bodies change in puberty and throughout life.  We can teach this through modeling — by not criticizing our own bodies changing as we get older. The rest of our culture sends the message that weight gain is bad and that bodies are supposed to stay the same. Children need to know weight gain is not bad and bodies change. Period.

4. Add in foods, rather than take away. 

When thinking about what your child eats, approach changes with an addition rather than a subtraction mindset.  Do you wish your child didn’t eat as much snack food? Or, maybe you wish your family didn’t eat food “out” as much? Do you worry that your child eats too many sweets? Instead of focusing on what you want them to eat less of, think about what you want them to eat more of.  Maybe you make an afternoon snack for your teen more often with foods you’d like them to eat more of. Or, maybe you make a goal for yourself to eat at home (it can be simple meals!), a certain number of meals a week. If we focus on what we want to do less of or tell our children they need to “cut back” on something, we begin to create a scarcity mindset and our brains actually want those things more.  It’s human psychology! What do you want to “add in?”

5. Consider how you talk about food and bodies:

Language is so important.  The way our children hear us talking about food and bodies, is how they learn about how to talk about these topics.  If they hear you talking about food as “good” and “bad” or your latest diet, they learn that this is how adults talk about food. If they hear you talking positively about your body, they learn to talk positively about themselves. How they talk to themselves about their own body is important to their own health and wellbeing. Think about the language you use when talking about food and bodies, and challenge yourself to say something positive in earshot of your child each day. 

A Safe, Nurturing Environment

As a parent, you are NOT in charge of your child’s weight or making sure their food intake is “perfect.” What you are in charge of is creating a safe, nurturing environment for them to learn and grow into an adult. They learn what and how to eat by having experiences over their entire childhood. They learn about how to talk and think about food and bodies by observing you. By supporting them to listen to their bodies and modeling this for them, you help them grow to trust themselves and their every-changing bodies.

7 Tips for When Your Teen Says They’re Going Vegetarian

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What’s the concern with teens going vegetarian or vegan?

When a teen wants to go vegetarian or vegan, that can be a red flag. Anytime a teen wants to make a change in they way they’re eating, it’s a signal for us parents to slow down and get curious. And though being vegetarian doesn’t mean someone has an eating disorder, we do know that those with eating disorders were more likely to report having been vegetarian or vegan.

What’s a flexitarian?

About 10 years ago, my now 16 year old declared she wanted to be a vegetarian who ate hamburgers, bacon, ham and sausage. Naturally, Chad and I found Caroline’s declaration both hilarious and smart! Our amazing child was telling us she didn’t want to eat foods she didn’t like (she’d never loved chicken or beef unless it was a hamburger). And that she wanted to continue eating foods she loved. Without knowing the term for it, she declared herself a flexitarian which is how I advise parents and their tweens and teens to think about it today.

An important note: my use of the term flexitarian is more broad than the Merriam-Webster definition: “one whose normally meatless diet occasionally includes meat or fish.” I define flexitarian as someone who’s interested in eating more vegetarian and vegan meals while continuing to eat the foods they love.

7 Tips for when your teen says they’re going vegetarian or vegan:

  1. Be curious if your teen expresses interest in changing the way they eat. There’s no denying plant based diets are good for our bodies and our planet. However, adolescents are prone to all or nothing thinking and that can lead to rigid behaviors around food. Ask some questions: Are they worried about their weight? Are they worried about health? These reasons are red-flags. We know that teens who diet are at increased risk of developing an eating disorder. If they answer yes to either of these, schedule to meet with an experienced, weight inclusive, non-diet registered dietitian for guidance. As we know, there’s so much pressure on people of all ages from diet-culture. What messages are they getting at school, from coaches, from friends and family? Again, be curious about why they want to stop eating meat, chicken, fish, dairy, eggs? What are they reading? What are they hearing in school? Who do they follow on social media?
  2. Is it their love of the environment or animals or both? Encourage them to find some non-food ways to be more environmentally conscious and engage in social justice issues. 
  3. Avoid praising or criticizing your teen who wants to go vegetarian or vegan. Eating a certain way is neither good nor bad. For instance, a person who chooses to be vegetarian or vegan or flexitarian or “to eat clean” or eat more whole foods is not better in anyway than a person who eats meat, pork, chicken and fish in their diet.
  4. Offer to explore meal ideas together and then weave those meals into your current dinner rotation. Explore quick and easy ideas for vegetarian or vegan lunches they can easily make themselves. See below for links to some recipes and cookbooks.
  5. Avoid cooking only meals you think your teen will eat. Because they’re still growing, it can be hard to meet their needs if they cut out foods they previously ate. (Yes, even after adolescents get their period, they still grow)! Make that pulled pork, or roast chicken or stir-fried beef and veggies. And sometimes make a vegetarian side – like baked beans to go with the pulled pork, or white beans and farro to go with the chicken. Serve the stir-fried beef and veggies over rice with a bowl of edamame. Your teen can eat the veggies, rice and edamame.
  6. Avoid allowing your teen to make themselves different meals from what the rest of the family is eating. Assure them you’ll make meals that will have enough to fill them up. Or, have them make a side like a bean dish to go with the meal. Yes, we want teens to be helping with some of the meal prep at times and making some of their own meals. However, teens have a lot going on and still need us to provide much of the structure of planning and preparing most meals. At times, they seem like adults and at times like toddlers. Teens still need us to provide some structure around meals.
  7. Encourage them to think of themselves as flexitarian. We know teens think rigidly at times which can leave them feeling like they MUST eat only X or Y. Being flexitarian allows them to feel free to eat a burger when that’s what sounds good to them. Or a grilled cheese or a bowl of ice cream or the bacon that smells SO good or the steamed pork buns they’ve always loved. I’ll say it again: teens are still growing and it can be hard to meet their needs if they cut out foods they previously ate and enjoyed. 

Vegetarian recipes and a few cookbooks

Check out these simple vegetarian recipes on our site:

What’s your favorite vegetarian or vegan recipe? Leave a reply below!